If that was your dad, he is hot
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
