The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
