Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
