so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
