Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
