I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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