i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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