Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
