Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
