She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
