handjob tips. give me some.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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