I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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