I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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