I hate all girls vehemently.
Someone shit on the floor
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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