He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
