She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
