Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
