Already got asked if we're dating
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
