what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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