I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Please don't give away my fajitas
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