Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
