Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
