As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
