I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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