I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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