I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
