apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Terrible idea I love it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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