Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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