New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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