pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
