I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
