just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
