So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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