After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize