i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We just shotgunned beers for America
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
