Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
