the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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