it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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