The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
