He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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