I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
