Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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