Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
