I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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