now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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