He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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