Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
