Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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