I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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