She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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