and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
