The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
