malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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