.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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