For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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