Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
