I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
