your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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