I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
