Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
