If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My feet surprised me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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