There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
