You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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