Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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