in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize