don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
