plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
