Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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