are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
