Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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