He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
