just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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