Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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