I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
